Monday, March 15, 2010
Ok ladies. Please hear my heart. At the risk of rubbing you the wrong way, I have something Ive been processing that I felt compelled to share. I have been reading a book recently that has stirred me up. It has debunked lies I have believed and revealed sin in my heart that I have cherished.
Ive read books on marriage.
Lots of them!
None have so profoundly spoken to me. Most books offer wonderful nuggets of truth, but always highlight situations that are exceptions to the rules or disfunction in marriage that warrants creating “healthy distance”. And sadly, we all read and justify in our minds that we are those exceptions. That our husbands are the ones forcing us to create emotional boundaries and put up walls for protection. We assume a “holier-than-thou” attitude and take on the role of “Jr Holy Spirit” in their lives. We agree with the biblical concepts of sacrifice and submission but believe we deserve special consideration for the dynamics that make our relationship to our husbands challenging.
This book in contrast leaves no wiggle room. There are no easy outs and exceptions. It speaks directly to women and emphasizes a very specific God-ordained role that we have watered down.
In the age of equality, we have become such a self-centered society. And thus our marriages as well reflect a consumer attitude. What if we have it all wrong.
What if marriage is not intended to be an equal partnership?
(I can hear the gasps of indignation!)
What if we really implemented the biblical truth that we are created for him….to be his helpmeet?
We like the idea conceptually…so long as we can make financial decisions unquestioned.
And he upholds the Godly standards with the kids that we want implemented.
And his decisions for how he spends his time doesn’t infringe on our plans.
But few of us gracefully take on the mantel of help meet. What about when he is genuinely wrong? We demand. We nag. We pray for him to change. We confide in girlfriends who offer the advise we want to hear. We react when he is harsh. We withdraw when he fails to meet our needs. We convey disapproval through our attitudes and accusations. We withhold ourselves emotionally or physically. We claim what is rightfully ours….and it is! All of this in an attempt to inspire change in him.
And then we wonder why he is distant and detached.
We’re baffled when he checks out.
We play the part of the martyr when he doesnt live up to his end of the bargain.
Can you honestly blame him? What guy is motivated by a steady diet of reminders that he is a chronic disappointment and failure?
But you see friends. Herein lies the hope. We, as women, have the same opportunity to foster a heavenly marriage. God promises blessing for those who live in obedience to Him. That obedience requires a great amount of humility and restraint and selflessness. All of which are qualities I do not possess in abundance! Ladies, you have much more control than you think over whether you will be partners together in the tension and stress of life or heirs together in the grace of God. I desire the latter for my marriage.
I am very humbled, convicted, repentant and so grateful for God gently showing me my need for His Lordship in my marriage. I poorly communicate what I am gleaning. This book is full of treasures….and Im only on chapter three!!
I feel blessed. We dont have a perfect marriage. We have a perfecting marriage! I have an amazingly wise, God-honoring, hard working husband. Some do not and the challenge for them is magnified. But none of us have the excuses we’d like to think we have! It would be my privilege to pray for you in your marriage. Feel free to email me!
Now that that is off my chest…perhaps I can sleep.
Go love on your man!