Wednesday, September 17, 2008
I have officially fallen from favor in my children’s eyes. We took Evie to Pulmonology this morning (report to follow). On our way back I was looking in the rear-view mirror, making eye-contact with Tristan helping him practice his presentation for school.
“Look out Mom!” he shrieked.
Just ahead of me on the pavement was, (what used to be) someone’s sassy little feline sadly gone astray from home. I veered to the right, my wheels straddling the cat to steer clear of the oncoming tractor trailer and still avoid the infamous “thump-thump”.
A collective “Gasp” erupted from the back seat.
“Mommy, you HIT it. You KILLED the cat”.
“I didn’t kill the cat”, I tried to explain.
“You DID!” Abi stated emphatically “I saw you. You ran right over it!”
“No honey! The cat was already dead”. (It was! I swear! I saw it on the other side of the two lane highway when we passed it three hours ago).
“Well you killed it AGAIN” Tristan retorted with disgust. “It probably didn’t feel good for you to just run over it again!”
“You could go back and try to fix it” Britain begged.
“No baby. Im sorry”
A heavy dose of the “silent treatment” followed from the backseat.
I figured we could just ride it out.
A mile passed.
Two miles.
Maybe they’d forgotten. (…who was I kidding). “Hey Tristan, want to try the rest of your speech”
“I don’t want to anymore.” (long pause……) “cause you killed the cat”
It doesn’t matter that I’m innocent. In their eyes, mom is a guilty cat-killer.
Next time I think Ill take my chances with the oncoming tractor trailer!
Sooo, we’re back to square 1 with Evie. The doctor is pleased with her results from tests last week, but said if she were “fine”, she wouldn’t be acting like this. Her breathing is often heavy and her oxygen drops dramatically at night sometimes. He’s trying more aggressive treatment for asthma and for reflux. (Yet MORE medicine!) The next step will be to refer her to a GI specialist if improvement isn’t seen. So we’ll wait it out a couple more weeks.
Monday, September 15, 2008
I was certain that Evie had developed aqua-phobia amid her other ailments. Unlike my other babies who loved bath time, this poor child wanted nothing to do with the water. It probably had something to do with the fact that for the first few months of life, all she got was sponge baths because of her incision. Once we introduced the tub, she was terrified!! And then summer rolled around….. give this kid six inches in a plastic pool and a squirt gun to teeth on and she’s a happy camper! Here’s baby dearest catching the last kiss of summer sun this afternoon.
Friday, September 12, 2008
My own insecurities have left me fearful at times about the effect all of this “trauma and drama” with Evie could leave on my other children.
Mommy & Daddy “deserted” them for a month when Evie was hospitalized
They have been passed around
Evie’s special needs have required much of mommy
One of my dearest friends baby-girl who was in ICU with Evie, passed away shortly after coming home.
Tristan has asked if our baby will die.
Our abrupt move from the only home they’d ever known in Ukraine
These are weighty issues for wee ones! I have prayed that God might use these things – these hard things to grow them.
Each of the kids has a “heart baby” now that we follow and pray for every night. A few days ago we posted about baby Gracie whom it appeared might be too tired to keep fighting. Abi’s precious prayer brought tears to my eyes.
“God, thank you for baby Gracie
Thank you that you can make her heart better
Thank you that its your choice if you want her she can go in heaven and you will take care of her.
Thank you that if she goes to heaven she can play with Annabelle (our friend from ICU) and Matthew (the baby we miscarried 4 years ago) and Great Grandma can hold her.
Thank you that her mommy and daddy love you God.”
I was so humbled. All I could do was plead with God to spare this life…to allow Gracie to linger. From a six-year-old, I got a glimpse of that childlike faith. Gods perspective. The joy He take in each of these little ones coming home.
These are lessons learned the hard way. But nothing is wasted. Where the Lord has led, He will go before. May He work in these little lives to bring Him glory and teach them (and me) a deeper trust in Him!
…by the way, miracle Gracie is healing!!
