Is it just me and the fact that I get not one, but three request from pleading children, or has anyone else had it with school fundraisers?
First it was the yearbook. Yours for a special price of $59.99 That offer came home in their school folder and I discretely disposed of it before they saw it.
Then the PTO fee.
Then the SLED check if I want to volunteer. (Really? Pay $25 so that I can volunteer? Is that a little oxymoronic?)
Sure, I want everyone else to have to go through an extensive background check before they work with my children, but somehow I think I should be an exception to the rules if I did this just last year. I mean….what do they think Ive done over the summer with 6 kids at home that could possibly be exciting enough to get me a criminal record?
There is the book fair that the kids emptied their piggy banks for last year.
The jump rope drive to raise money for charity.
A request for $95!!! if I want to chaperone their school field trip this year.
And my favorite…the “Valentine Princess” contest. Last year, 3 days after arriving at our new school, a letter came home in Abi’s folder that she’d been voted “Valentine Princess” by her class. Abi gushed about how each grade voted for a princess and one of those chosen would be crowned queen at the Valentine dance. “And I’ll get to wear a tiara and sash“. She was all sparkly with anticipation already.
Then I read the fine print.
Being “chosen” by your class meant she was the second-grade representative picked to go out into the community and raise money for the school. The girl with the most $ at the end of 6 weeks would be crowned queen.
Pick on Nominate the new kid!
We spent a couple Saturdays going around to local businesses. She confidently presented her shpeel and brought in (what I thought was) an impressive $300+ for the school.
When someone else was crowned (because, according to elementary-school here-say, somebody’s grandfather forked out whatever necessary for his granddaughter to win the crown) I chalked it up as a good character-building opportunity for Abi.
….and vowed never to get suckered in again!
Which explains my cynicism when Tristan, Abi and Britain all slapped down huge manilla envelopes on the table when we sat down to do homework yesterday.
A fundraising packet……
A professional, impressive fundraising packet with catalogues and order forms.
“If we sell stuff, we get to go to a special field day,” Tristan bubbled.
“Yeah, with bounce houses and climbing walls” Abi chimed in.
“And there will be this man and we’ll get to pet his special dog named Blue Sky“. Britain, my animal lover was glowing with excitement.
“We have a dog you can pet for free” I offered.
“Mom!!” they all retorted in exasperation.
“There will be a special lunch in a limousine if we sell x-amount” Abi pleaded. “Can we sell stuff?”
“Honey, I dont think we’re going to do that. No one’s going to buy stuff”
“But you could!!!”. Abi flashed a used-car-salesman grin and flipped to the jewelry section. “This looks like something you’d like”
“Im not going to buy anything” I assured her.
“Ok, but just look…there are these cool containers so your sandwich doesnt get smashed”
“Abi, you eat caffeteria lunch…you dont even take a sandwich”
She tried again, “And on this page over here, there is Christmas wrapping paper, or extra long jump ropes or a silver key chain!!”
I tried to change the subject to what happened in their music class that day.
They didnt fall for it.
“If we dont sell anything, we wont get to go!” Tristan was in disbelief that the appeal was not motivating me to pull out my check book.
“Can we at least try to sell some of this stuff to Grandma?” Abi asked, seeing I was unmoved.
“Sweetie, I dont know if Grandma needs any of that stuff either”, I said weakly…wearing down.
That was all it took.
They were like piranas with fresh meat.
Abi and Britain started bookmarking which items they hope to convince Grandma that she needs. Im sure she has a dozen uses for a picture frame shaped like a fish or a back scratcher or an envelope sealer.
So, in case my entrepreneurial children approach you with catalogues under their arm and big teethy grins, I wont blame you one bit if you run!!
Perhaps a good mom would fork out $50 for glow-in-the-dark star stickers…
….but Im a mean mom.